October 11 is National coming out day.
Let me tell you about how I thought I could fix my family when my son came out to me.
I started working at a Lutheran school in 1983 and felt I was a “good” Christian and a pretty good mom. When my son came out to me, he only told me and not his father.
He told me that if I told his father, he would run away or worse.
I spent months internalizing what was going on in my home. When I finally thought I had the answer, I contacted the pastor of the church and told him the whole story. He asked me if I wanted him to come to the house to tell my husband.
When all of this was arraigned, it turned into one of the most horrible nights ever.
The pastor told us to put my son out and lock the door and not let him back in. The word “angst” was mild to say the least. Big fight. Everyone walked out.
I contacted a therapist in Little Rock in order to “fix” my son, believing that was what you did to fix the “gay” away.
After several sessions, the therapist told us that the most important thing was to accept our son for who he is.
Easier said than done. I moved out of the house, because I couldn’t deal with any of what was going on.
My son was super angry. I’m sure for more reasons than I could list.
After many months, I got some help from a person in California that helped me see that I was the one that needed fixing, not my son.
Churches teach love and acceptance, but they mangle the acceptance part. Unconditional love, unconditional acceptance is what they should be teaching.
I love my son and my daughter. They are the light of my life.
I have stepped back from church but not my love of God. I have big trust issues when someone starts spouting bible verses, and they cherry-pick verses.
Love the sinner, but hate the sin………… really! We all have baggage. We all have skeletons that we want to keep hidden.
I will ALWAYS stand with my children. I will ALWAYS be there for them, no matter what.
I will ALWAYS be available when someone has come out and then made to feel less than a person.
My children have helped me to grow up and accept people for who they are, not who I want them to be.
-Susi Baer Hildebrand
