By Kanittra Griffin
One year ago me and 5 really great kids set out to have an amazing week. WE PLANNED to go have a girl’s day Monday (nail shop trip).
We were going to the zoo Tuesday.
Wednesday we were going to my favorite seafood restaurant for those bags they wouldn’t stop asking about and Thursday they were going to summer school with me to go on the field trip with the kids.
Everyone is more than aware that that trip did not go as WE PLANNED and for a full year I’ve been trying to understand GOD’S PLAN.
If I said I understood now I’d be lying.
My family ( that includes everyone involved because if I didn’t consider them family they would not have allowed their children to be with me) has been tested and turned upside down in a way I don’t think anyone could understand or explain.
I have to believe God was all over us that day because there just so happened to be Licensed Doctors, Nurses and EMT.
There were off duty police officers and firemen all on I-40 at the exact moment we needed them most. That wasn’t a coincidence.
There were clergymen who came and touched and prayed. Any help you can think of just so happened to be right there at that exact moment and time.
I couldn’t be more thankful for their help with my Fab 5 and doing what they could to comfort us while we laid on that street.
I couldn’t explain the pain that shot through my body when my daddy explained that both Natyia and Cason didn’t make it. It hurt so badly so fast I just screamed. There was no other response. I miss those babies so much it hurts.
Seeing Niya, LeLe, and Za not only scared me speechless but broke my heart in pieces. I felt actual pain in my chest just looking at them.
Everyone was looking for me to just be the same and know how to move forward and know what to do not knowing that I was trying to figure out how to exist. How to want to exist. How to stay here with my family…
I started to ask God for the craziest things like time travel or a redo a chance to head to Memphis another day or to take the back way. I spent months trying to figure out how the person who loves kids so much that that’s what I chose to do for the rest of my life ended up in the center of turmoil for so many families.
I never found the answer…
I just stopped looking.
I realized I wasn’t given any options.
God said I would live and from now on that’s all I can do…
I can’t apologize enough…
I don’t think I’ll ever stop being sorry.
What I can say is anyone I’ve ever loved I STILL love and that’ll never change.
I love you more than I ever got to tell you… 6/16/2019